The Bird Feeder

By Brian Robinson.

Our back garden is a haven for birds. We even have a few chickens. I sit at my window and watch them for hours on end pecking away at the feeders.

I noticed that the sparrows seem to drop far more seeds than they eat. Now to me that seems strange. However, I didn’t know that the sparrows had made an arrangement with the chickens. The sparrows would drop lots of seeds from high level. While the chickens would look out for our neighbour’s cat at ground level.

What the chickens didn’t know, was that the sparrows had already made a deal with the cat. He wouldn’t try and catch the sparrows, provided they distracted the chickens with the falling birdseed.

Now I like to eat chicken, but I haven’t got the heart to kill them. So when next door’s cat dispatches the odd one, what can I say, that’s just nature. I rush out and grab the chicken and we have it for dinner.

Now my wife knows how much I like to watch the birds. So she always makes sure the feeders are full to brimming. But what I wasn’t aware of, was that as soon as she sees me settle down to watch the birds, she sneaks off and has sex with the cat owner, my next door neighbour.

What my wife doesn’t know, is I’ve got very friendly with the lady that owns the pet shop. Well let’s face it, I’m down there every other bloody to get more bird seed. I arrive just as she’s about to close for lunch. Then we go out back and get down to some serious petting of our own. Do I feel guilty? Why should I? It’s a pet shop!

What’s the moral of this story? Everyone’s a winner: and we’ve got chicken for dinner.

Apologies to veggies and vegans. It’s only a story!

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