The Bird Feeder

By Brian Robinson.

Our back garden is a haven for birds. We even have a few chickens. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to sit at my window and watch them pecking away at the feeders. Some days I do this for hours on end.

I noticed that the sparrows seem to drop far more seeds than they eat. Now to me that seems strange. However, what I didn’t know, was that the sparrows had made an arrangement with the chickens. The sparrows would drop lots of seeds from the high level feeder, while the chickens would keep a look out for our neighbour’s cat at ground level. That’s a neat arrangement!

However, what the chickens didn’t know, was that the sparrows had already made a previous deal with the cat. He promised not to try and catch any sparrows, provided they distracted the chickens with the falling birdseed.

Now I love to eat chicken, but to be honest, I haven’t the heart to kill them. But if my next door neighbour’s cat dispatches the odd one, what can I say, that’s just nature. I rush out and grab the chicken and we have it for dinner.

My wife knows how much I like to watch the birds. So she always makes sure the feeders are full to brimming. But what I wasn’t aware of, was that as soon as she sees me settle down to watch the birds, she sneaks off and has sex with the cat owner, my next door neighbour.

What my wife doesn’t know, is I’ve got very friendly with the lady that owns the pet shop. Well let’s face it, I’m down there every other bloody day getting more bird seed. I arrive just as she’s about to close for lunch. Then we go out back and get down to some serious petting of our own.

What’s the moral of this story? Everyone’s a winner: except the chicken we occasionally have for dinner.

Apologies to veggies and vegans. It’s only a story!

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