By Brian Robinson.

Curtain opens.

“If you’d just shut up for five minutes we might be able to see what’s happened. Run the bloody tape will you.”

“The dog’s heard something! He’s sat up, looking at the stairs.”

“Did you close the bedroom door? I bet you didn’t. How many times have I told you to take care with that latch. The dog will kill the fucking cat if she gets out. He’s a greyhound, that’s how they’re wired. You men never bloody listen.”

“Yes dear, if you say so.”

“He’s seen something. The cat’s out. Bloody hell! He’s going to kill her! Oh my God!”

“No he won’t. It’s all bluster. Blimey! Did you see the way she scrambled up those curtains, like a rat up a drainpipe?”

“Yes, my new bloody curtains. They’ll be in shreds.”

“Sorry dear, my mistake, I thought you were worried about the cat, not the curtains?”

“I can’t bear to watch this. Crikey! How did she manage to spring from the top of the curtain rail to the top of the bookcase?”

“She’s a cat dear.”

“She won’t be for much longer. The dog’s going bloody mental.”

“He can’t get her, not when she’s on top of the bookcase.”

“No, but he’s trashing the place in the meantime. My bookcase is being scratched to buggery.

Oh my God! He’s collapsed. What’s the matter with him?”

“Search me. It looks like he’s had a heart attack or something. It’s all been too much.”

“This is your bloody fault. The dog’s dead. My poor dog! I’ll never forgive you for this.”

“Try and stay calm dear.”

“The cat’s looking down at him. She knows something’s wrong. She wants to jump but she can’t. It’s too high. She’s looking at the curtains. There she goes. I don’t know how cats do that. Look! She’s crawling down the curtain, like someone abseiling.”

Now what’s she doing? She’s meowing in his face. Prodding him with her paws. She knows he’s dead. Cat’s always know when someone’s dead or dying. They have a sixth sense.”

“Then it’s a pity she didn’t use it and stay in the fucking bedroom.”

“I don’t believe it. The dog’s moving again. Look his head’s up. He’s staring at the cat. He’s confused.”

“What do you expect. You’d be confused if you’d just had a heart attack and woke up with a furry thing purring in your face.”

“She’s licking him. Can you believe that? I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Just remember dear, this cat and dog harmony, it’s all my fault.”


What should have been curtains for the cat: could have been curtains for the dog.

2 thoughts on “Curtains

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